Harriette Lowenstein, MA, LMFT

Welcome to the latest edition of Success Strategies, written specifically for people who want a better relationship with their partner, friends, children, co-workers, and most importantly, THEMSELVES. 
Wecome to all my new subscribers. Please feel free to forward this issue to anyone you think will enjoy it.

 

Spring has officially begun and many couples are getting engaged, setting wedding dates, and making plans to spend the rest of their lives together.  My daughter and her husband celebrated their second wedding anniversary yesterday and I thought it would be helpful to those of you who are  preparing to take that step to have some fair fighting techniques to see you through the challenging times.
A study in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that the best predictor of a successful marriage is how well the couple argues before the wedding - regardless of how much money they had, or how long they dated.
To increase your chances of a successful marriage, follow these tips for "fighting fair".
1.  Really listen.  "The first duty of love is to listen". Paul Tillich  It's hard to really listen, though everyone assumes that they do.  Real listening is more than just being quiet while the other person talks.  Real listening means putting aside your own ideas and judgments long enough to really hear.  This takes effort.  Don't be formulating your response while your partner is speaking....give him/her your full attention before you respond.
2.  Don't attack.   Focus instead on how you feel about the situation.  Describe what your partner did or didn't do that bothers you.  Avoid blaming and demanding vague personality changes, stick to facts and behavior - observable actions or statement that are not open to interpretation.  Express your anger appropriately by using "I statements" such as "I feel angry" or "I am disappointed"
3.  Never threaten to end the relationship.  Although it might get your partner's attention in the short term, threatening weakens the fabric of the relationship in the long term.  Rather, propose change.  State what you want your partner to do or not to do.  Then describe the positive consequence  that your partner will enjoy after making your proposed change:  more fun, free time, sex, etc.

Remember, marriage is a partnership that requires cooperation, negotiation, and commitment.  It is founded in respect, shared values and friendship.  If you never lose sight of these things, you will successfully navigate any rocky sea you find yourself in.

 

I am committed to helping people and couples who are feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, and unappreciated develop strategies to improve their lives and relationships and live their purpose with intention and passion. 
Don't work harder, work smarter.  As your coach I will help you figure out exactly what you need to do or say differently to get things back on track.  Don't waste another day.  Every day that passes with hurt and anger is another wasted day of your life.  You deserve to be happy and the power is yours.
Commit to having the life and relationship you deserve today!
To schedule an appointment, contact me by phone at 805-339-9809
 

 Harriette